Girl Armor

Bookgirl note: Yes, this is the same ol' blog. It's just got one new home.

I'd like to begin this post by saying EVERYTHING'S FINE, and IT WAS NOTHING. But I had to go for an ultrasound today because my doctor found a lump in my breast last week. The first thing I did was call my sister Celeste, because she's the most level-headed person I know, and tell her, "This is me not freaking out. So I need you to not freak out with me." The next call, before I even made it back to my office, was to my friend Polly, because that's what I do in these situations. I call one of my family members, and then I call Polly. And she told me that I shouldn't overreact, but if I did want to overreact, then I had every right to. Because if you couldn't overreact over something like that, what could you overreact over? And that was it. Panic over. Because hey, now I had an "Overreact if you want to" card in my pocket. And once you have one of those, you don't need to overreact. Half of the reason you overreact is because you're trying so hard not to. Once you don't have to try not to, then hey! you're halfway there. (If that paragraph made sense to you, then congratulations! You can follow girl logic.)

So today was the appointment, and I wore tights and and a pink skirt and heels, and on the subway down to the office, I put on some lipstick. Because if I was going to potentially have breast cancer, I damn well was going to look cute when I got tested. Now, I'm lazy about nail polish, blowdry my hair literally once a year, and never wear makeup to work. But if I'm facing a situation that intimidates me, you better believe I'm going to be done to the hilt. Girl armor. There's just something about knowing you look your best that makes you square your shoulders and face problems a little stronger. I was dating someone years ago, and he came over late at night when I was already ready for bed. We were fighting, and he was launching into"do we just walk away now?", and all I could say was, "We cannot have this conversation when I'm not wearing make-up." He looked at me like I had lost my mind, but another woman would have understood perfectly.

A handful of my girlfriends met me out for dinner last night. Two of them planned it, and they called it a girls' night, and we never once mentioned the test, but I knew exactly why they suggested the dinner. And it made me love them even more. After all, aren't our friends the very best form of girl armor there is?