What I'm Reading

Stardust by Joseph Kanon
Coming out in the fall, the next novel by the author of The Good German. It's so good I kinda want to lick the pages.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Unmentionables

I've got a problem. A personal problem. An underwear problem.

See, my approach to underclothes can be best summed up as "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." This is going to sound way more like Polly Poppins than what you would expect from me, but I channel her every once in a while.

With few exceptions, I own one style of bra, one style of underwear, and 2 styles of socks. Period. My bras are all the same style, except in different colors and patterns. Some have lace. Ditto for the underwear.

(For the record, those aren't my boobs. That's an underwear model who happens to be wearing my most recent bra purchase.)

My work socks are all from the same store. They each have a little picture embroidered on the ankle. Do I want leopard-print purses today? High-heeled shoes? No one else can see the embroidery, but they make me happy. My gym socks are from the same store. (Oh, and p.s. The store is in Connecticut. Nowhere near where I live.) They're white, with different embroidered patterns. (Flip flops? Beach chairs?)

When the underwire pops on a bra or the socks get a hole, I throw them out, go back to the same store, and buy more. They're always comfortable, they're always what I want. No muss, no fuss, no thinking about it. I like it that way.

But lately I've had what could only adequately be described as an underwear meltdown. See, the store where I buy them stopped making my style. So I stopped getting new ones. I've had the same undies for years. I don't put them in the dryer, so they've held up. Until now. I noticed a few weeks ago that a pair had a hole. So I threw them out. Then I threw out another pair the week before last. And two more last week. It seems if you buy your underwear all at the same time, they wear out all at the same time. Crap.

Now, I know it sounds easy. Just find a new brand. But see, that's not as simple as it sounds:
First of all, I'm plus-sized. Clothes shopping in general is never easy for me. Think of all the stores where you normally shop. Now imagine that out of all those places, only one carries your size. Maybe two if you're lucky. And those places, well, their selection can be dismal. I'm under 60, so that rules out about 75% of everything that comes in my size.
Second, they must be cotton. I am unwilling to negotiate on this point.
Third, and I know this is a shocker, I'm a little particular about my underwear. They should not come up to my bra. I cannot emphasize that point enough. (See earlier "I'm under 60" comment). I should not feel like I'm wearing my bathing suit under my clothes. Panty lines are not sexy. I cannot feel pretty in underwear I can imagine my mother wearing. If there's anyone from the lingerie world reading this, here is what I want you to take away from this blog: "Chubby girls need thongs too."

So I went shopping yesterday, and I found one store that had what I was looking for--the elusive plus-sized, 100% cotton thong. They had just gotten them in, so I bought everything they had in my size. (I really hate doing laundry.) If they fit well, I'll go back and buy more. But I'm seriously concerned I might be heading for a Rain Man-esque "Definitely not my underwear" freakout until I get used to them. I hate when that happens....

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lane Bryant stores carry plus-sized underwear that isn't revolting in their Cacique line. If that's not what you tried, you may want to check them out. I used to work there back in the day and I seem to remember a cotton thong... just a tip. :)

Laura G said...

It might be easier if you were rain man. His underwear was all from K Mart. But alas - you definitely don't get your thongs 4 to a pack from K Mart.

Hope the new ones work out.

Bookgirl said...

Eleanor, yes, that's where I used to get them. A moment of silence please for the Lane Bryant cotton g-string. We hardly knew ye...

Laura, Good point. For comfortable underwear, I'd be willing to brave the K Mart in Penn Station.

Diosa said...

Have you noticed my latest post is titled "If it ain't broke . . ." Sometimes I swear you and Polly and I all share a brain.

Yeah, I tend to buy all the same bras and often underwear. Though since the surgery, I haven't really found the right bras yet. Underwear, as far as cotton thongs, the most comfortable ones I've had came from Old Navy. I don't think every store sells underwear, but they have them online.

And sometimes I think chick lit is supposed to make you cry.

Unknown said...

I really like the Hanky Panky undies. They are comfortable and don't roll or dig anywhere. Also, they come in plus size.

J said...

fyi-target has plus size undies, cute, different materials, prints, etc. Also, they definitely come in a thong (though how you wear them I don't know--I hate what my daughter calls 'woogies').