Earl

This is the part of the blog where Bookgirl makes an irresponsible decision, but you all pretend it’s a good one. Let’s call you what I need you to be: enablers.

My computer at home hasn’t been working lately, so I decided to buy a new one with the money I don’t really have. I thought about what I wanted, I researched laptops, I debated exactly what I needed this computer to do, I questioned whether I could justify the cost of a new one. And then I spent the money (which again, I don’t really have) on a trainer at the gym instead.

This trainer had come up to me once while I was working out and basically said, “You’re doing that all wrong.” But he said it in such a nice way (and with such a pretty accent) that I wasn’t insulted. And then he went around the gym with me showing me exercises that were better for my body. I got lazy and eventually stopped working out, as these things go. But then when I got back into the groove this summer, I saw him there one day. The seed was planted. Should I get him to train me? And then something sealed the deal in a way nothing else could have. I didn’t see him again for months. Let’s face it, ladies. There’s nothing I want more than something I can’t have.

This, I’m sorry to say, is where the stalking set in. I tried showing up at different times to find him. I cornered the girl at the front desk and described him in detail until she finally figured out who I was talking about and could tell me his name. For the sake of the story we’ll call the trainer Earl. Because it sounds cool. Also because it’s his name.

So this week, finally, FINALLY, Earl and I were at the gym at the same time. Our eyes met. I sidled over to him and said, in my sexiest voice, “Hey baby, you looking for a girl?” (Okay, really I said “Can you come over when you have a sec. I want to buy some sessions,” but the first version sounded way better, right?) Now deep down, I know that he can’t possibly live up to the hype. It’s going to be like every time that hot guy I’ve been fantasizing over finally talks to me and I realize he’s dumb as a stump. But right now, I have the best thing of all: hope. I’m quite sure that Earl, I, and my new body will be quite happy together. Let’s hope he doesn’t work me so hard that I have to go all Dixie Chicks on him.